September 24th, 2011, 09:11 pm
Why Can’t We Be Friends
Friends. I wish we could go back to my childhood innocence. Where there was not drama. Where money and other useless things didn’t get in the way. Back before their where clicks. No “he said, She said” and facebook stuff. But, unfortunately for us all, there is no going back. As much as we all may wish it, you can’t change the world that we live in. So the only thing we can do, is live with it.
Back when I was a child, I was very free spirited. I remember I hardly spent any time at my own home. I would lie to my friends parents about my mother being home just so that I could spend a few extra hours with my friends. I remember the days back in elementary school when a few best friends of mine would all be at our own house, watching Pokémon after school and in between the two halves, you know, the part where you have to guess the shadow Pokémon? Well during the commercial I would call them up and would both say our guess. I remember the sweet and innocent days when it didn’t matter what sex your best friend was, they where your best friend, and, although we as children might have joked about it, we didn’t really think that they had coodies lol. I remember the sunny days – or not so sunny – when we would climb our trees and pretend that we where pirates on a ship, Tarzan, or that the ground was lava, and you had to get to the other side of the play gym we where on at recess, and if you fell off, well, game over. Days full of mud pies, witches and wizards. Pokémon and powder puff girls (yes, I did fall victim to that silly show) These where the good old days. So much of my childhood is filled with memories like this, Disneyland, my road trip to North Dakota. Memories when my worst fear was rather or not I would get grounded for doing something or not. I didn’t really have to worry about my drug addicted alcoholic mother putting food on the table (this stopped when I was about 6) because I would always eat at one of my friends houses any ways. One particular incident that always makes me laugh was when I lived at these apartments. When me and a group of about ooooh, 7 friends where antagonizing bees. There was this empty garage (you know the storage units that apt. have?) and across from it was a waist high wall of brick with these red small rocks behind it. Well, each of us would take turns walking over to the rocks, dropping the rock into the hive (that was between two of the bricks) and then run our little legs and butts off back to the garage while two of use would jump up and close it before the bees would reach us. Well, on one of these rounds, in which it was my turn, on my way back to the garage, I wasn’t so lucky as my fellow friends. I walked over to the brick, completely nervous, picked up on of the pebbles into my tiny white and clamy hands, dropped it real quick, and on the run back, got stung right on the ass. Did I mention how I had to ride my bike all the way back home? Aside from a few, well not so pleasant memories from my childhood, (discovering what the male anatomy looked like, my mother abandoning me, “Daisy” going into foster care, and countless other things) and some other wonderful memories (my innocent friends, my sister and I actually getting along, My sister “Daisy”, Disneyland, road trips, the list goes on) I still managed to allow myself to enjoy my childhood. I still remember a lot of it fondly. Even more so once I reached my teens and (semi) adulthood. What I mostly miss though about my childhood? Is the innocence of it and my friends.
The contrast between my childhood and teenhood is probably a complete 180. In High School, there are clicks – the nerds, the popular kids, there’s the emo kids, the hicks, there’s the kids that don’t really fit into any where (this is where I was) and was friends with someone from every group, therefore making them no one – there’s money that gets in the way, for some kids, there was politics. Athleticism would also get in the way sometimes. There was countless things that would get in the way. Even drugs and alcohol for the kids with the connections. Even as early as middle school. It is my opinion that people are the cruelest to their friends and strangers in high school just so that they would fit in then any other age group. Which is just….sad. In High School – and beyond – childhood friend ships would break up because of these unimportant things. Friends who had been though everything since they could walk, would break up because of a girl that came between them. They would break up because one of them got suckered into the drug scene. Their relationship would begin to crumble for nothing. Lives would be lost for, in my opinion, pointless reasons. It might mean a lot to them in the moment, but ultimately, pointless. In high school, I remember still being that carefree spirit, but I also remember doing things that I would later regret. For example, just to fit in to be “cool” and to save a buck, I joined in with my friends and would shoplift a whole backpack full of junk. It became the “cool” thing to do. I remember that back then, all my friends where having sex with guys they hardly knew in order to cope with the emptiness inside their hearts. Wanting just a moment of feeling wanted by their partners to compensate for the lack of wanting they’re receiving from home. (I hung out with a sorry bunch of people) I would see them date a different guy every week, claim to love them, and then the next week it would be another completely different guy, of course this was “blanks” ex boyfriend and therefore was TOTALLY off limits, which just started a whole melting pot of drama for the guy and girl. It would get very confusing sometimes. I can’t even count how many times I heard “Oh. My. God. Can you believe it? Blah blah blah are dating! I cant believe it! Doesn’t she know that blah blah blah is in love with blah blah blah?” stupid stuff. I myself have fallen victim to this useless stuff. The adults tell us to grow up, that it will stop once you are out of high school. I couldn’t wait for this day. The day that this drama wouldn’t happen anymore. No clicks.
Then there are the post High School relationships. They’re still mine fields you have to walk through in order to save other peoples feelings. You have to keep your spidey senses up to make sure that your not hitting on a married/taken guy whose girl friend will wreck vengeance on you (on the guy) just for looking at him the wrong way. There are still “clicks” of people, not really anyone who is accepting of everyone like I would wish it would be like again. Stuck up people still pick on the mentally challenged people, the racially different, people who have different beliefs. Sure, it may be frowned upon, and illegal, but people still do it if they will get away with it. We still hear people complaining about things that they can easily fix themselves. I was stupid enough to think that I had found a group of friends who where accepting of every one. A group of friends who didn’t care about what other people thought about them and who stood up for those who couldn’t help themselves. Friends who would be there no matter what for me. We would stay up till the wee hours of the morning playing “Boom Blocks” or “portal” together, We would spend other nights quizzing each other on “would you rather” or “what the fuck” or a number of other board games. Later on, we would dress up as crazy as possible, put on some face paint and wander around WInco or Wal-mart enjoying all the weird looks and glances we got from people. I began to love them more then I loved my own family sadly. I began to trust them, and have faith that they would always be there, like I would family only more. These months where the happiest months I had in years. Even with my life in chaos in every other area. Well, apparently it was too good to be true. Two of my main friends, “Mario” and “Luigi” fell victim for a tragedy that is all too common for friends that have been together forever. They both fell in love with a damsel in distress. Problem is it was the same damsel. And said damsel enjoyed their attentions so much that she leads them on as if she isn’t allowing the other one to do the same, that they’re the only one who will be getting the goods for now on. She’d test them, to see how much they really want her and are willing to put up with. She plays them both. All in all just treats them like crap. So now they put her before each other or anyone else. When they come to hang out, their attention is 95% to her and 5% for everything else around them. Needless to say, they’re no longer friends. “Mario” even going so far as to choke and slap (lol, yes, he slapped like a girl would) “Luigi”. Because of lack of money, I’m unable to hang out with friends that I’ve had way back in middle school. Friends who I use to think as brothers and sisters. Because of drugs, I don’t hang out with some of my high school friends. There are so many cases that just sadden me to know I will never be able to be friends with any more. All because of useless, pointless things. Because of a girl that treats them like trash, because of money, because of drugs and alcohol. It just makes me miss the old days all the more.
Needless to say, the grown up lied to us. A lot. This is one of the things. When you leave high school, the drama does not stop, the consicuinses just get worse and more server. People now kill themselves and others, go to jail, say things that they know will hurt them even more, rob and steal bigger things then just little things but things like children, houses, your savings account and countless of other things that we need. All for stupid things. If we where to all treat others like we did in elementary school, to behave slightly more “mature” then we where in elementary school (we cant all be playing pirates or Tarzan, the world would go to hell) I think that we would have an all together better environment. If we could forget about sex….well try to at least, refrain from behave like bunnies in heat) that we would have less death and wars. But I guess that’s just me….
Because of these useless things, I’ve lost my best friends from middle and post high school, I’ve lost my sons father, I’ve lost family, I’ve lost a lot basically. But, I know that as much as I would want these things to stop, they never will. Its what makes the world go round. I know that as much as I would like to back to when I was living in ignorance and partial bliss, I would’t really want anything different cause I wouldn’t be where I am now if these events hadn’t happened to me (I’m actually working on a blog about this, it just taking me FOREVER to write) I wouldn’t be where I am today with out it. Wouldn’t be this strong or knowledgeable of things I use everyday or be able to help others like I do. (well like to believe I do) if not for all these things, I wouldn’t have Tristen. I wouldn’t have found the man I’m dating now.
But still, I always do wonder, how come we all can’t just treat other as we would like to be treated? Along with not doing drugs and alcohol in order to not hurt those few loved ones I have and my future family (cause I know I probably would get addicted to it) and not wanting to treat other to treat me rudely, I don’t do drugs and alcohol and I treat other how I would like to be treated. Even those who treat me rudely, I treat them nicely. I try to help anyone I can. I don’t really care THAT much what others think of me, and there for enjoy to skip down the ailes in the grocery store or blow rasparries on my sons belly when he seems down in the middle of my friends talking. When I hang out with people, I’m not ashamed to tell them that I have a wonderful little boy like others would. I defend others who don’t defend themselves. I don’t put down anyone, even if they are deserving. I don’t really know where I’m going with this, but, I know that I’ve been this way since elementary school, n I wish that I would have the same relationships as then too..NOT the ones I see now.