Lets Make Lemonade

Friday, August 5, 2011

Random

So….Life sucks….I actually hate myself and how I am living my life if thats possible…and my friends. My roomate, Who I use to think was pretty cool I  now think is a horrible person to the guys (who also happen to be my friends) This is because she will tell them that she loves them one day, when she feels like it, and then the next day, She will want space and not talk to them at all…and she is a hypocrite, and knowing how i feel about one guy in poticular, who i’ve liked for like a year, and have been crushing on for just as long, she decides to hook up with. and break said heart…To make matters worse, she’s broken up a friend ship that had lasted for like 5 years, and now, because they both love her, and she “loves” both of them, They hate each other. But I could go on about her for days, and don’t really feel like that…
The next thing thats made me really depressed would be my friends, in general…My son is going to be gone for ELEVEN days these next few days, and my birthday is going to be on the 16th. I was wanting to do this capture the flag sort of thing with them and just have fun for my birthday. WELL, because of drama with a certain nameless girl and sleeping with about three of the guys i would have invited, them having feelings for her still, and not wanting to be jelous, they wouldn’t come, and then, my other friends who haven’t been with her, wouldn’t come just on the off chance that they showed up and wouldn’t want to be involved in the drama…sadly, because almost all my friends don’t want to come, i wont be doing anything for my birthday. YAY ME!!!
Don’t get me wrong, she is a pretty cool person to hang out with, i’ve had alot of fun times with her. She is amazing with Tristen and doesn’t leave stuff laying around for Tristen to later find, she picks up after herself, she is pleasent to other people. there are alot of benifits to her, but, i cant help but feel like she stole my friends. and even though she treats them like shit, they still prefer her to me…
Another thing is that im behind on alot of things, like day care, my  car payment, have little to no money for gas, yada yada yada, the list goes on…so that is another MAJOR stresser for me…
FINALLY, as if this all wasnt enough for me, My son is gone for ELEVEN days…I wont be able to see him at all…it sucks…
I lied, that wasn’t the final thing, the final thing would be how I feel about myself…a failure. I don’t have my GED yet, I don’t make enough to make the bills, even though i work a crap load, I don’t see my son as much as i would like to, therefor feeling like the daycare is raising him. I feel like Im looking for love in all the wrong places and settling for less then i deserve…I’ve gone out on dates with three people with in the last month or two and none of them have been successful…one stopped talking to me all together, one was a tad too agressive, and NOTHING could be his fault, and another didn’t want a relationship…its all horrible in short…
Hopefully, my life will change for the better soon, cause I just feel myself tumbling more and more into the black abyss that  I like to call depression. I don’t know if I’ll be able to climb back out of it this time.
Sorry this was suck a sad post, but this is the reason for my blue days…and had no where else but here to post it…

 

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