January 1st 2016
15 Days. Laying in my 2 inch mattress, every move crinkling even with the slightest rustle. My current roommate, Virginia, being a restless sleeper herself, moves every few minutes endlessly, tossing and turning. Almost as if she is trying to escape this rabbit hole; at least in slumber.. I wish I could join her.
I wake up to the sound of Courtney bickering with the nurses and techs per usual – must be 2 am – about them not bowing to his every whim, when he asks- if you can call it that- rather than taking there sweet time with things while watching shows on their phones or reading. “My insurance doesn’t pay for you guys to sit on your asses instead of getting on your hands and knees and cleaning the floors or doing paperwork reporting my improvements…” I try to zone him out, cacooning my blankets around me, imagining the tight pressure in my knees is my pup Luna, and the pillows I grasp tight to my breasts are my children, all sleeping soundly within my arms. “CRINKLE CRINKLE” my dreams are a labyrinth of craziness, me searching for my boys, having them taken by C.P.S., my boys and Iplaying with cars with smiles on our faces , having tickle fights with me gently holding Xaviens arms above his head, Tristen tickling his arm pits and Luna our pup licking his face and belly, his deep blue eyes twinkling and laughing up at me. “CRINKLE CRINKLE” With tears down my face I roll over onto my side, viewing my collage of photos tacked on lovingly with scotch tape of Xavien and Tristen on the wall, my family, my loves. My reason for fighting. The reason I didn’t slit my wrists.